Most important Meal of the Day

To the horror of nutritional experts the Halloween-theme cereals have hit store shelves. An article in USA Today reported these experts take issue with these cereals as they have too much sugar, dyes and not enough fiber. Why if my husband didn’t eat a brightly colored, high sugar, low fiber cereal, he wouldn’t consider it breakfast. The man likes cereal. Our kitchen pantry holds twelve open cereal boxes; and for a family of three, that’s a lot of cereal. Sometimes staleness sets in before a box can be finished. He gets happy eating Count Chocula as he regards the chocolate flavored milk a perk.

I’ve never really been a breakfast person, probably because I’m not a morning person. Growing up my kids knew where the cereal was and where the toaster was if needed to toast a waffle or Pop Tart. They also knew if they wanted a hot, healthy breakfast they had to do one of two things: go to a friend’s house or wait for their father to cook one on the weekend.

On a Sunday morning a home cooked breakfast could include eggs, pancakes, sausage, bacon, hash browns, toast and waffles. The first time my husband made me breakfast I was stunned to learn people eat homemade waffles rather than frozen; and there was a contraption to make them. Who knew? Wonders never cease.

Growing up eating breakfast out was a big deal as it symbolized vacation. One week out of the year, while on vacation we would eat breakfast out. I guess since it was a rare treat I came to view it as special. It’s funny how I never minded waking up early for breakfast while on vacation.

When we went on vacation with our kids sometimes we would bring along the little travel size cereal boxes. Since there was something for everyone, everyone was happy. The one thing that could have made my husband happier is if there was a box of Count Chocula.

Delay your Gratification

An article in USA Today stated that starting this year things will be different for Cookie Monster on Sesame Street as he will grapple with self-restraint. In the past when he wanted a cookie he got one, now he’ll learn about delaying gratification as he won’t always get one. In the new season Cookie will struggle repeatedly to resist temptation.

When I was a kid I thought delaying gratification was to eat the frosting on a piece of cake last as it was my favorite part. I did this until one day an aunt saw me separating the frosting from the cake and casually remarked, “You could die before you finish your cake and you wouldn’t have eaten the frosting. Eat it first; don’t leave the best for last.” Sure, she may not have been my most optimistic aunt, but she became my favorite. She was suddenly bathed in a golden glow, radiating her omniscient knowledge. Only now looking back, I think if I died while eating cake I would be upset because – I died while eating cake. That’s no way to kick the bucket.

Recently while looking at a box of Junior Mints and trying to resist the temptation I thought of Cookie Monster. I tried to delay gratification by telling myself I didn’t need chocolate; but when it comes to women and chocolate the words and need and want are synonymous. I tried to ignore the scent wafting up my nose and tantalizing my taste buds. But, when I envisioned my favorite, somewhat pessimistic aunt, I ripped open the box and reached in to pull out a mint to satisfy my craving.

I felt a lump of mints stuck together and clinging to the box. I did the only logical thing a woman desperate for chocolate would do – I cut the box open with scissors and start clawing frantically at the mints. In my haste for instant gratification I knocked some mints on the kitchen floor. My hopes plummeted as I looked at the mints and knew I couldn’t possibly use the 5 second rule – not for my kitchen floor. I couldn’t take the chance. It wouldn’t be smart. I dumped them. Yes, food on my kitchen floor will kill anyone’s appetite and need for any gratification. I’m sure my aunt would agree.

The Flying Nanny

An article in USA Today reported that Etihad Airways has come up with a new and unusual amenity: a Flying Nanny. The nanny is available for all travelers on long-haul flights regardless of which class they’re flying on. The Flying Nanny will be dressed in a bright orange apron, making them easy to spot. The nanny is the airlines way of making their passengers journey as relaxing and comfortable as possible. The fact that this service is free makes it very attractive.

Flying Nannies will get training in child psychology and sociology. The nannies will keep children entertained, serve meals and help crewmembers interact with families.

Having a Flying Nanny is like having a modern day Mary Poppins, just switch out the umbrella for a plane. Maybe the modern day nanny will also break out in song. And maybe, like Mary Poppins the Flying Nanny will also have a never ending bag from which she can pull toys to amuse youngsters. Every kid wants a Mary Poppins as opposed to a Nanny McPhee.

Nanny McPhee is like a drill sergeant. There’s no singing. There’s no flying. There’s no spoonful’s of sugar. There’s just a nanny whose middle name is discipline. I doubt she’ll let you connect the warts on her face. She’s the type to throw the kid out the plane window for misbehaving.

Whether you’re Ms. Poppins or Ms. McPhee if you’re holding a crying baby nobody’s gonna want to sit by you. In this situation you’ll need a crash course in dealing with people’s dirty looks and language. You’ll learn to deal with the rude and belligerent people who demand you quiet the baby…you wouldn’t think the parents would complain. You’ll learn Mary Poppins had a whiskey flask at the bottom of her bag which accounted for her enduring happiness. There had to be a valid reason the woman stayed so chipper. Wakeup people. You’ll learn to follow her example.   

The Season

Labor Day has come and gone leaving us with the question – is it ok to still wear white? Some like me will bid farewell to their white sandals till next year. Others who are no slaves to fashion, like the men who wear socks with sandals, will continue to wear white. It’s sort of like wearing an Easter hat after Easter. It’s like wearing a Christmas sweater after Christmas. You can do it, but the reindeer‘s antlers will start to sag come July.

I’m not so concerned about whether or not people wear white after Labor Day as I am about stores that display Christmas decorations around Labor Day. I went into Garden Ridge the other day and all the Christmas trees and decorations were up. Come on!

Remember when the season didn’t kick in until Thanksgiving ended and the last of the turkey leftovers was eaten. Christmas got the green light when Santa made his appearance at the Macy’s parade, ushering one holiday out and the next one in.

Now that Christmas is commercially celebrated months in advance it loses some of its magic. It takes the short term merriment of the holiday and stretches it to the point that the meaning and reason of the holiday can be forgotten. Why, it could make those who celebrate Christmas think it’s all about commercialism. Let’s hope not.

Erma Bombeck

I was fortunate to have one of my stories published on the Erma Bombeck website. You may read it here