Do You Do It In The Shower?

USA Today’s snapshot showed that 32% of people showered in the morning and 89% showered at night, before bed. I don’t know why people who bathe weren’t included. I feel as though in order to bathe one needs the luxury of time. Some people light candles, play soft music, drink wine and read a book. Just filling the tub requires time and takes longer than the average shower. I wish a shower was a pleasant experience for me, but it’s just a means to an end – getting clean. When I’m in the shower I’m not fully engaged as my mind is somewhere else.

When you shower in a hotel there’s always the fleeting, irrational thought you toss like a piece of garbage – should I wear flip-flops? Because even though the shower looks all clean and sparkly, we’re suspicious. Thanks to shows like Dateline or Primetime we all know looks can be deceiving.

I think a follow-up question to – when do you shower, should be – do you pee in the shower? The people who pee in a pool are the same people who’ll pee in the shower; people who don’t pee in a pool, won’t pee in the shower. This is why we should pray for the little boy who pees in the shower and hope he doesn’t show off what a good speller he is by writing his name on the wall. You’ll need more protection than flip-flops can offer. I wouldn’t want to soak in a bath after him.

                                                                     

Target Offers Curbside Service

An article in USA Today reported that Target is offering ‘curbside’ service at select stores starting in SanFrancisco. The customer orders and pays for their purchase with a free app launched for Apple and Android devices. Your order is then packaged and waiting for you curbside when you arrive. The app taps into location services letting Target know you’re on your way.

I think, in theory, this is a great idea, especially for those who would benefit from this service, but in reality, I think it could become another story. Allowing curbside service at a store that already has pedestrian and car congestion can turn into a nightmare.

On my last trip to Target, I saw a car parked curbside (really, it was the middle of the road) with a driver at the wheel and thought he was dropping someone off. When I came out of Target, the same car was still there and finally left when the lady who was walking beside me got in the van. Turns out he waited for his wife and made curbside his park –n- wait.

Traffic in front of Target is bad enough, add curbside service and come holiday season you’ll have angry, ugly shoppers.                                             

Will curbside service be offered to the customer who orders a cheap $5 gift or will there be a minimum price requirement?

The article also mentioned that on-line retailer Sears recently added returns and exchanges to it in-vehicle curb services. It’s bad enough being in a store, stuck behind someone in line with no receipt, returning a 100 items… now we’ll be waiting behind them in a car? I could just smell the trouble. Wait too long and the ugly, angry customer/motorist will accidentally tap the person in front of them; a lawsuit waiting to happen.

I think because of all the inconsiderate people who park in the middle of the road (rather than curbside) and because of all the people who think curbside is their parking spot and all the people without a receipt, that curbside service should be at the stores back for backside service.

I fear that with curbside service the inevitable ugly news report will come, “Shoppers scrambled for safety when shots were fired today during curbside service. Santa was heard to have exclaimed ‘**** **** ****’ instead of Ho Ho Ho when his cap was blown off his head; poor Santa, an innocent victim in a case of curbside service gone wrong.

 

Double Duty Gifts

I went shopping for my daughter’s birthday which is in October. In one store I saw Frozen Christmas tree ornaments and I got them for her. Why wait? She’ll be able to admire them hanging from the tree before Christmas day. It can be confusing shopping this time of year as the Christmas decorations mixed with the Halloween decorations have you rushing the holidays.

I also bought her Christmas socks. Why wait? This way she can wear them the entire holiday season and not just Christmas day; although if she’s like the people who leave their lights up until Easter…she’ll wear them long after.

At another store I was looking for pajamas and instead got her a holiday sweatshirt. Why wait? Now she can wear it the entire season and not just on Christmas. I’ll bet you Santa gets miffed being recognized only one day out of 365.

I also bought her festive, holiday earrings. Why wait? Snowflakes are symbolic of winter and Christmas time. Now she can wear them the entire season and not just Christmas.

When I went to buy ingredients to make her cake I bought the nuts needed for my Christmas cookies. Why wait? They were on sale and I needed them…eventually.

When I went to buy her jacket, I came across holiday wreaths and bought one for myself. Why wait? Sure it wasn’t on the birthday list, but I wanted it so – why not?

Now that her birthday’s over I’ll have to start thinking of Christmas; it’ll be here before you know it. I knew I should have bought the wrapping paper I saw. Oh, why did I wait?                                                     

 

The Modification of the Truth and Other Things

I received a reminder card for my dental appointment. Part of it read ‘please take note of the time as it may have been modified.’ Isn’t it nice that doctors have the privilege to modify your appointment without first consulting with you? It sends a loud and clear message that their time is important and yours isn’t. If the shoe was on the other foot I don’t think doctors would appreciate the time modification.

Doctor: So, Mr. Smith, why were you late for your appointment?

Mr. Smith: Well, my appointment was at eight, but I felt like sleeping in, so I modified it to nine. You don’t mind do you, doc?

Guaranteed doc will mind.

Yesterday I went to a restaurant that modified my regular sandwich by decreasing the amount of meat. I wondered if they decreased the amount of meat, then why they didn’t decrease the price. Maybe they thought no one would notice.

Has anybody else besides me noticed how Chips Ahoy has modified the chocolate chip cookie? Very gradually it has been getting smaller and smaller. If it gets any smaller they’ll have to be called chocolate chip minis. If you’re a dunker who uses the same glass you will find a whole lot more room to swish the cookie around in. Try it. Perhaps Chips Ahoy thinks that just because people’s butts are getting bigger and bigger our vision is impaired and we won’t notice their cookie getting smaller and smaller. We notice.                          

Last time I went for my haircut, I told my stylist, “Do what you did last time. I loved it.” I was unhappy to realize that clearly she must have taken that to mean –‘modify it.’

And we all know a person who modifies the truth. Every time you talk to them they have a different story. They give some version of the truth depending on who they’re talking to. Only, the truth doesn’t have versions. It shouldn’t be modified like a chocolate chip cookie. Don’t mess with truth and don’t mess with the cookie .You hear that Chips Ahoy?