Baby Bump

It pleases the average woman that Kate Middleton just gave birth and is wearing clothes which shows her ‘baby bump.’ She’s young and the weight will come off in time, it’s not like she’s a Hollywood celebrity. Hollywood celebrities lose the thirty pounds they gained while pregnant, plus ten, name their baby something ridiculous like Apple and are on the cover of Vogue within forty- eight hours of giving birth. In the “Wow, How does she do it all” article the celebrity praises her baby, personal trainer, nanny, housekeeper and the guy who airbrushed her. There’s no baby bump to be seen. The average woman hates her. Working woman who don’t have money for trainers, nannies and personal chefs love Kate Middleton because she represents the average woman. She gives all women who have had a baby the power to ignore the pressure to lose or cover the bump.

 Why, I’m still trying to lose my bump from my third and last child, 20 years ago. A woman thinks when she gives birth and gains a baby she will lose the weight. Hah! You look at your baby and realize… it weighs seven pounds; you gained 40… something’s horribly wrong. You ate for two. Yet it looks like your bundle of joy didn’t eat his amount of spaghetti. It seems your bundle didn’t partake of the double thick, double chocolate shakes consumed on a daily basis to meet your calcium quota. You feel betrayed by your baby because their birth made you look in the mirror and question the second helping you took of well, everything. When your baby was born they were supposed to weigh more and (in your mind) you should weigh much, much less. They didn’t do their part.

You get upset that your maternity clothes stay front and center in your closet and you’re upset with the violent person you’ve become, punching people in the face because they ask, “So, when are you due?”

The average woman secretly hopes Kate will keep her bump till the next royal baby is born. The average woman will rally with support if she decks the clod who asks, “When are you due?” and their cries will be heard throughout the land.