The Cost of my Tears

Not sure how many people will show up at your funeral? Are you afraid of looking unpopular and unloved? There’s a company based in Essex, England, called Rent a Mourner. For $68 dollars you get a complete stranger to weep for two hours. I have some concerns. What’s the payment policy? I would assume payment’s made in advance as it would be pretty hard to get money from the dearly departed. Since payment’s made in advance, there’s no guarantee the mourners will show. Who would know? Certainly not the deceased. Now that I’ve expressed my concerns… does anybody besides me think this is a way to make easy money?

If you’re worried about low attendance at your funeral, don’t have one. Choose cremation. It’ll save you from worrying (which probably expedited your departure,) land consumption and money (on mourners.) The only worry you’ll have with cremation is who gets possession of your urn.

I know a woman who got tired of dusting her late husbands urn (which didn’t match her furniture) so she packed and shipped the urn to the man’s sister. She included a note which read, ‘I’ve had him long enough. It’s your turn.’ Hallmark doesn’t make a card for such an occasion. I don’t know if the sister eventually passed the urn along to someone else. I do know the two ladies no longer speak. But, it wouldn’t surprise me if she did; the guy was not nice. Imagine, receiving a package, opening it and looking at Uncle Walter. Surprise. It’s not like getting Christmas cookies. Uncle Walter (who’s ineligible for frequent flier miles) has traveled the country, just like Flat Stanley. Poor Uncle Walter, if only he’d paid for the mourners.