Table For One

Table for One

Going to the movies alone isn’t so bad. You sit in the back and no one sees you in the dark, scarfing down popcorn.

Going out to eat alone is different. In a bright, crowded restaurant everyone sees you sitting alone at a table for two. The hostess emphasis you’re alone and will be alone the entire meal when she whisks away the other place setting.

Before cell phones one would arm themselves with dining out alone armor: books, magazines and newspapers, anything to avoid stares of pity from fellow diners. Today, with cell phones, we no longer play the charade. As long as we have our phone – I ask – are we ever really alone?

You’re one at a table for two, but thanks to your phone you can be eating (virtually) with 22 friends, family and followers. These people salivate over the chocolate cake photo you posted on Instagram. Your followers like your extra cheeses pizza and wish they weren’t lactose intolerant. Your mother sends a text, insulted because you ate all the veggies on your plate and you never eat hers. Why not? Your priest (who you didn’t know followed you) pops up and makes you feel guilty for being in a restaurant Sunday morning rather than church. He’ll pray for your soul. Your cardiologist, who is not playing golf pipes in with, “A double bacon cheeseburger? Really? You’ve got to be kidding me! Put it down and back away! Now! Eat that and you’ll wind up back on my table.” Your sister zeros in on the sweater you’re wearing and demands to know, “Is that the sweater you borrowed and told me you lost? You’re such a liar! Give it back! I never could trust you! And mom likes you best!

You’re never alone when dining (virtually) with the masses of people in your phone.

As for me, the best way to eat alone is to disconnect and read a book; at least the characters won’t badger you.